Squirrels

As I watched the squirrel store up acorns, one-by-one, for the coming winter, I realized that the squirrel and I had a lot in common. Both of us live in California. Neither of us has a job. (Probably due to racism.) And finally, both of us love fucking other squirrels.

Some things just never change

Though the number of arranged marriages in India has declined in recent years, arranged gay marriages are as popular as ever.

Broadway's new ad campaign suggestion

Plays: For people not interested in being interested.

The year's top local news stories

News Category winner:
"Hundreds Found Dead in Local Cemetary"

Op-Ed category winner:
"Was the 3rd Grade Sock Puppet Play Racist Against Cats?"

Classified category winner:
"Several previously owned used items 4 sale. Shit, I think I am most definetly going to run out of letters. What!? I'm not going to pay that much for extra spa-"

Death bed

A good trick to play on your deathbed, is to take a large object in your hand and make it disappear.